I Have Three Circumcised Boys

I have 3 circ'd boys. Let me tell you...I HAVE SUCH INCREDIBLE GUILT, I COULD JUST DIE!!!

With my oldest (now 6 1/2), I was young and didn't even know that there were people who didn't circumcise. I didn't even know I had a choice. I took him in when he was 7 days old and handed him over to the nurse. I said to the Dr., "Are you going to numb it so he doesn't feel it?" He said, "Well, some of the Dr.s here do that, but I do it so quickly that he won't have time to feel any pain." HA!!

I left the room with my baby boy crying and sobbed in the parking lot until the nurse came out with him (still naked and wrapped in a blue chuck pad). He was still wimpering--exhausted from crying so hard, I'm sure! I didn't even sit down to nurse him instantly. Since he was my first, I didn't feel comfortable doing it in public yet.

THEN, they told me that he was yellow, so I had to take him to the lab to have his foot sliced and blood drawn. I remember they had me lay him on the table on his stomach and I said, "Can't I just hold him since he just got circumsized?" They said, "No, this is how we have to do it." I was so naive!!! They had to slice his foot 3 or 4 times in order to get blood. I feel SUCH guilt from this experience especially! I probably think about it and break into tears at least once a month.

With boy # 2 (now 4), I was a little more informed, but not too much. I mentioned it to my husband and he said, "He's getting circumsized. I'm not going to have him be the laughingstock of the locker room!" He was taken out of the hospital room when I was downstairs getting an x-ray. I asked my husband, "Why aren't you in there with him???" ( He knew I wanted him in there.) He said, "Well, I was going to go in, but..." (He is not the assertive type, but probably thought he couldn't handle it.) Well, he didn't even cry, which made me feel much better. (Not that it is ok that he was circ'd!) Probably in shock!

With baby # 3 (21 mos.), I had a home birth and was much more informed about circumcision and definitely didn't want it done. My husband and I fought about it often and I finally decided that it would have to be be between my husband and my son. (SO STUPID!!) I wouldn't sign any papers giving my consent. I just handed it over to my husband.

As soon as we walked back into the room, I started crying. I sat there looking at my poor, innocent, unsuspecting baby who had had such a wonderful and relaxing birth. To this day, I can't believe I handed him over to my husband. I keep thinking I should have grabbed him and run out of the building. My husband didn't want to go, but I said, very firmly, "You're going!" He did get a local anesthesia, but he screamed the whole time and I sobbed out in the waiting room listening to him. I kept asking the staff, "Is he done? Is he almost done?"

Finally, my husband came out into the waiting room, with our newly mutilated son, looking white as a ghost. He had tears in his eyes and said, "I can't believe they do that to people!" I grabbed him [the baby] and sat down to nurse him. He was so upset, he couldn't even nurse. So we headed out to the car and I sat in the back seat, refusing to put him in the car seat. I wanted to cuddle him and nurse him all the way home. I didn't care if we got pulled over and I told my husband, "You'd better drive carefully." I was so mad at him!!! I still get really mad at him when I think about my poor babies.

I don't know if this guilt will ever go away. I think I need a Circumcision Anonymous or something...REALLY! Is it normal to cry every time I read about circumcision??

I WILL tell you that if I ever have another son...NO WAY!!! I don't care what anybody says. They won't be able to get him away from me to do anything like that. I will NEVER hurt my poor babies again!!!

See "Jodi2" for another account of the same