My First Son's Circumcision

From what I'm told, --although I wonder if any baby boy has an "easy" circ-- my son had an easy one. Unlike most parents, we took him to our local ped. to have it done, instead of them coming and taking him at the hospital to do it. I have so many friends who've had it done that way and I think because they don't hear their baby scream in pain and torture, they are simply ignorant.

We sat in the room next to the room they did it in. It was the worst day of my life. My husband and I just sat and sobbed while listening to our 6-day-old baby scream like we'd never heard him scream before. I was really not comfortable with the idea in the first place, but it meant a lot to my husband so I went along with it. My mother begged me not to do it. Ya know what they say, mother knows best. I couldn't even look at my husband all that week. All I did was cry and hold my poor little mutilated baby. Every time I changed his diaper I threw up after seeing his little penis, now half gone. Oh and by the way, he had the pain medication when they did it. What a joke that is.

My son is now 4 years old, and we're expecting our second baby. For months now I've dreaded the thought of it being a boy, because of the idea of going through the argument with dh again. I simply told him the other night that I would not even consider it. I cried my heart out and he said he was shocked that I was still so upset about it. He agreed and said "My God, I could never live with myself if I did that again to another innocent baby, we can't do anything to protect Alex from it, but we can certainly learn from our mistakes."

My problem is that words cannot describe how horrible I feel for doing this to my son. I still just die whenever I see that horrible scar on him. It literally tortures me. I'm wondering how any of you have gotten past this, or how I can stop from being so tormented by it. My goodness, if I could only save one person from making this mistake, and save them the pain I feel, and the pain my son endured, then by all means pouring my heart out was worth it.

xoxo,

Jenni