By Jannelle (December, 1999)
My son has an appointment tomorrow, wow, today actually. I hope he is ok. His penis looks better. It is flakey and peeling still, but just a little.
I feel such anger now at the hospital and doctor for not telling me what could happen. My son was not sweating because he was hot during his surgery. He was in pain. More than I imagined he was in. I was woolly eyed. I thought it was so easy. I thought it was best.
I now believe I was wrong. My son would not have had any infections or pain if I had left him alone. Why don't we leave them alone? I called several doctors today. One was a urinary specialist. She told me that cirumcizing is basically a parents choice.That there is nothing to really support it. I did not know this. Now that I am asking, people are telling. Now that I know this is something to learn, people are teaching. It is like pulling teeth to get people to tell me things. These doctors don't tell you anything unless you push and specifically ask. Is it the area I live in? I even asked the hospital the rate of the boys who have this done. They kind of laughed and said they dont have exact numbers,but that yes, they could confirm that it is less than it used to be. That although most are still circumcized here at our area, that there is a fair number who are not.
I had no idea. It is just not something I even thought to ask of. I have spent almost all my allotted AOL hours on the circumcizing websites the past few days. I cannot believe what I have leared. Boy am I glad I am on maternity leave still, or I would be fired by now. I think I will head over to the work after birth board types.
I cannot imagine leaving my son with anyone now. He has taught me so much about love and strength. I never thought I could love and care so much. It scares me. How am I going to do this alone? I have a lot to learn. I am alone. I was alone. Now it is us, me and him. And I promise to him to learn all I can, question everything, ask everything,no matter how tired these people get of me.
Thank you all. I have learned so much. And I think I made the wrong choice for my son. I am glad you are all at peace with your deicisons. I will be too. After I make it up to my son. Live and learn. But I did not want my son to suffer for my learning. Peace to you all. I wish I knew you all were here a few months ago. I would have not circumcized my son. No offense. But after learning, it is just not the thing for me or my son. Have a great holiday.
Peace to you all,
Jannelle and Jakey (Jacob, born 10/31/99)